Fertility Follies - Male Perspective, Men and Infertility Book

The Male Perspective — It's 98 Degrees Out Here!

I was the one with the problem and since I felt it was all my fault, I just couldn't comprehend that it affected Peter as much as it did myself. In some weird way I was almost jealous of him. Jealous of the fact that he didn't have to go through the numerous tests and procedures. I was always the one getting poked and prodded, knocked out, cramped up and scarred emotionally and physically. I know if Peter could have traded places with me he would have but the sentiment just wasn't enough. Nothing would compare with what I was going through in my mind and body.

Looking back on it and having the clarity of time and two beautiful children (and finally some stable hormones) I am able to see that this experience wasn't just about me. Each time I screamed about an unequal share of responsibility for our fertility process was another reminder to Peter to his inadequacies as to what he could do to fix it. While I may have hated going to all of the appointments and procedures, at least they allowed me an opportunity to take an active role in our fertility challenges. I had a place to expend my energy and although often futile, they gave me an opportunity to at least feel as if I was doing something to potentially change our situation. Peter on the other hand had to be content with sitting by and feeling helpless and hoping that random dinners and gifts of jewelry could replace some of the anguish I was going through (Note to the men out there, jewelry does work really well). Don't get me wrong, I am still using my many pokes and procedures as a viable argument for a vasectomy but I am now able to see that no matter how loud you scream there is no fairness in dealing with infertility. No one partner feels more or less, it is just awful any way you look at it.

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